When I go looking for porn movies I recognize that there are a lot to choose from. There are thousands of porn movies made every year. Of those thousands, I would guess that about 85-90% of those movies aren’t even worth watching. I don’t see them all, naturally, so the number could be higher. In many ways, porn is all the same. It’s all about fucking. That being said, there are plenty of factors that make a movie worth watching or not, as the case may be.
There are plenty of surface reasons that I will want to check out a porn movie. Listed below are some of my reasons.
1. The Name Says it All – If a movie is named “Cum Guzzling Sluts 5”, “Big Booty Hoes 2”, or “Slutty Grannies from Outer Space” I am not buying it. Sure, I might review it at the cost of the studio (and probably mention what garbage I think it is), but I will not pay for it. I know it’s porn and that means that it’s not always the most artistic art form in the bunch, but if you want my money you’re going to have to do better than that.
2. Looking at the Genre – The genre is going to depend on whether or not I pay for porn. For example, I prefer BDSM based porn over straight sex. I like the idea of gay sex, but the porn is often boring, and I want something in or around my age group. So, before buying I read the box and look at the cover (we will get to that in a minute) before I decide on a purchase. Unfortunately, I usually do not find a lot of good porn in the genres I like the most, but there are a few good ones that have come along and have shown what the industry is capable of producing.
3. The Design of the Box – Rule number one. If the hottest chick in the movie is prominently displayed on the box and she is only in the movie for ten minutes and a blow job, you can bet I am not going to trust your box advertising in the future. Equally stated, if your box is cluttered, campy, or not professional in appearance, I’m out.
4. How Much will it Cost Me? – I understand that actors have to be paid, but I am not paying $50 for a porn DVD. Seriously, it’s not like a serious script is being written or a huge amount of props need to be purchased in the standard porn movie. So, there is no reason to charge me that much money to watch a probably nameless girl (there are often so many coming and going that it can be hard to keep track) get cum shot in her face. However, if you charge me less I might be enticed to buy more. You do the math.
5. Cum Shots – I get the point. I really do. However, is it necessary to have cum shots in every single scene, in every single porn movie? I mean come on?! Humor me and try it different for a few scenes. This is the most unrealistic aspect of porn and often the one thing that kills the mood (at least for women) the fastest. I don’t know about you, but when I know my man is ready to explode, I don’t hop off and whack him to really finish the job. Nope, I sure don’t. Show some realism on occasion and chances are a new demographic of women will watch more.
6. The Quality of the Acting – I will put this simple. If you are going to insist on a script you need to hire people that can at least deliver those lines with some believability. Personally, I am not expecting much when I watch one of these films. So, if you can’t even make my expectations there is trouble on the horizon. If you don’t want to get decent actors just have them fuck. It’s porn so no one would be all that surprised.
7. The Actors/Actresses in the Film – Once you watch a couple of porn films you begin to play some favorites. While there are hundreds of names I see that don’t ring any bells, if I see a name that does, and they ring the right ones, I am more apt to pick up a film than not.
8. The Sex Scenes – This one should be a no brainer. If the sex isn’t hot, there is no sense in sitting through it. If it sticks to the standard porn format, I’m more apt to get bored and turn it off. For those of you that are well versed in porn, the standard format includes: blow job, vaginal, anal, cum on face. In between the vaginal and anal will be small hand job and oral breaks to make sure the guy keeps it going, but otherwise, this is pretty standard. Occasionally, a little oral will be tossed in for good measure, though this is not as common. More often than not, this is your standard format and if you know it’s coming (no pun intended) it’s apt to bore you to tears. Kick things up a little. Sex is meant to be fun and interesting, not static.
What do you look for when you are buying porn? Let us know by leaving a comment.
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